January 30, 2023

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from “Julius Jaffe: The Poems” (by Mitch Sisskind)

The Smurf
Jess Rabin and Julius Jaffe left with a bag.
Jess Rabin said to Julius Jaffe: “Open your mouth and
“Deliver words of the Torah.” Julius Jaffe replied: “Your ways
“‘Are ways of delight.'” (Proverbs 3:17) The bagged one said:
“A coin in a bottle is in this verse. Wherever in the Torah
“One reads ‘paths’, the paths have been opened by our sages
“Who went to the bottom of the sea. Now are the ways
“Open on all sides and in all directions of the world.”
They said, “How do you know?” The burglar said, “I heard it
“From my father.” Julius Jaffe asked: “Who was your father?”
The bagger said, “A great fish” and the bagger disappeared.

Shinderman approached Julius Jaffe.

He said: “I have a chance to do one

“A lot of money for a risky investment.

“What should I do?” Julius Jaffe said:

“Make the investment. you can do

“A lot of money.”

Shinderman came back and said, “I lost

“My money, but I still have some money

“For another risky investment. I can do that

“A lot of money. So what should I do?”

Julius Jaffe said: “Make the investment.

“You can make a lot of money.”

Shinderman reappeared and said:

“I lost my money again. Now I have it

“Just two dollars left in my name.

“Should I bet my two dollars on a

“Longshot at the horse races?”

Julius Jaffe said, “Yes.”

That same night Shinderman said:

“I lost my two dollars! I have no money!”

Julius Jaffe said: “No money? Not once

“A dime?” Shinderman said, “Not a dime!”

Julius Jaffe said: “Mazel tov! Because now

“You can really pray.”

To embarrass the moron, the shtunk

Asked how many women the burglary

had sniffed. “Just a Woman”

The flannel answered and the stunk

laughed at him. “I sniffed

“A hundred of them!” said the stunk

Then Julius Jaffe stepped in,

“When a man has screwed a woman

“And he really loved her, that’s that man

“A greater lover than when he breaks down

“A thousand of them.” But the schunk

Laughed again. “Only a thousand?”

“Ten thousand! Hundred thousand!”

exclaimed Julius Jaffe excitedly.